Making me WHOLE

This morning was one of those mornings for me. Seems like everyone woke up in a bad mood.... Noah was fussy, Carter was whinning about everything, daddy was frustrated.... which in turn always make me a little on edge. Know we have a full day ahead of us, Birthday parties and church + BBQ after... I needed more morning coffee and some quiet time. I am lucky to get an email devotional every morning... this works out good for me since I am an email junkie!

Anyway, this morning it was about the woman who touched Jesus' garmet and was made clean. She was healed. And she was healed because she believed and professed her faith by coming out of the home she was banished to, into a crowd of people who had called her "unclean" and shunned her for over 12 years. You can read the entire story in Luke 8... short but meaningful and for some reason hit me hard this morning.

Maybe I need healing? Over the past couple of days... well mostlty this week each one of the email devotions and my email from The Generous Wife lady has all been to me in some way or another about healing. I have been praying for healing this week.

It seems weird to share such personal information on such a public forum but if I am honest... I need this outlet. I need to be able to share without feeling like I even care if someone thinks I am weird or wants to tell me how to fix me... Only God can fix me and I am so thankful for that! But for some reason I do want to share. If only to be completely honest... to be able to real.

I think for quite some time I have felt like I am not good enough to be blessed with such an amazing husband and family. I know that it is Satan trying to mess with my head... and honestly he has gotten to me. For sometime now I have felt unworthy of the love that I receive from Ricky and the kids. My heart has been burdened by that. It has been a real thing for me, Satan bringing up things from the past, mistakes that I have made, people that I have hurt, lives that I have impacted, people I have judged, etc. And for the most part, makes me feel really lousy about myself. This is something that I am truly striving to change. But I have realized this week that this is not something I can change alone... I need my God. I need Him to make me Whole. I need his healing, I need his forgiveness, I need his love, only HE can change my heart.

So I guess I am stepping out, into the crowd, and touching Jesus' garmet. In hopes that he will make me Whole. - Funny, that song, by Hillsong, "From the Inside Out" just came into my mind.

A thousand times I've failed- Still Your mercy remains- And should I stumble again- I'm caught in Your grace- Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades- Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame