Last night.... a new beginning...hopefully?!

So yesterday I just was on some kind of a emotional roller coaster ride, but it was the kind where all you wanted to do was get off and some how could not... I was crying over everything and nothing. Big stuff and small stuff.. I think some of it has come from nights of not sleeping good, by body is tired, my back hurts and I can not seem to find a spot in the bed where I can sleep without being irritated and I am uncomfortable.

So yesterday afternoon the frustration hit a high for me. I laid in bed and cried and could not stop. My poor husband, confused and I am sure totally overwhelmed with his crazy wife, was not really sure what to say or do. I felt so frustrated at that moment, so weak, so alone, so broken. Like a good husband, he hugged and kissed and told me it was going to be ok and he still loved the crazy me just the same as the "regular NOT pregnant" me, which I wanted to say made me feel better, but in all reality it only smoothed it over.

As we walked into the building for church last night, Ricky walking to take Carter to class and I to take Jake, it all came flooding back. I kept my head down and walked him to class and then immediately went looking for Ricky. My comfort. It was all I could do not to cry every time someone asked me how I was feeling.... "NOT GOOD!!!" that is what I wanted to scream but instead, "I am hanging in there, thanks" with a smile.

We go sit down in the back, we never use to sit in the back, but that seems to be where I am more comfortable these days, and the music starts. At first I feel sad that Matt and regular band are not there to lead worship and then as I settle in, I start to feel God's peace come over me. "All who are weary, all who are weak...." "....Defender of the weak....He will not grow weary..."

Oh its amazing how God can speak to you when you are at a low.... When I felt down, weak and lonely, I am reminded how God is not weak, down, He is only STRONG, EVERLASTING, HE DOES NOT GROW WEARY, HE IS THE DEFENDER OF THE WEAK, HE IS MY COMFORTER. That my strength needs to come from HIM... if I wait... wait.... upon Him... He will deliver me. He is my hope and I am encouraged by the knowledge that I am not suppose to do this alone. That even though my body, mind and spirit are tired and weak, He will defend me, and then lift me up and heal me!

Thank you Lord, for never being weak or weary... thank you for letting me wait upon you and gain strength from you.